it's just so hard

God help me.....
i don't know what to do......
i can't sleep....
I can't stop thinking about it...
i really don't know what to do...
i'm gonna go for NS tomorrow..
but i still haven't made up my mind yet...
there's so many things that i have to balance.
i don't know if it will last this 3 months...
i don't want to feel rejection again
but i wanna know how this will turn out...
I can't do this anymore
it's just so hard

i don't know if she's ready for it
i don't know if I ready for it